Barely get on this.
Might delete it, might not. No one knows. Good night.
My cousin is visiting the US next month.
I’m happy about this. She’s like my only family member that I would literally do anything for and the last time I saw her was her sweet 16 which was in September 2008. Too long for me not to see her. :(
L.A. is not happening…
At least for now it isn’t. My aunt and uncle want me to have a set plan before I can actually go out there and stay with them. I was a bit disheartened when she told me this but I just tried to stay focused. I am focused and have been active in finding schools that will help me be more involved in the gaming community. Things are slowly moving for me, but any movement is good movement. :)
My dad…
This man…he tried to set me up with one of his friend’s daughter. It was very weird. I’ve never been “setup” to meet someone outside of a meeting for work or an interview. Whats even more weird is that she lives one block up from where I used to live in Washington Heights. Anyway, I ain’t going through with it. Why? Because I’ve got too much on my mind right now and if everything goes the way I want them to, I’ll be gone. But if it doesn’t…we shall see.
Spoke to my aunt earlier.
She’s fine with me going over to L.A. to live with her and just be a “roommate.” Now I’m just waiting for her to get back to me on what her husband says because I don’t want to just have her say yes and then have my only “uncle” hold a grudge with me because I’m living with him and living off his “teat.” So right now, it’s up to him. If he is cool with it, I’ll be going to L.A. before or during June. I’m kinda nervous and excited about how I am finally taking control of my life. More to come when I get word of what’s up. :)
So it’s pretty official.
Tomorrow I’m going to call my aunt in hopes that this summer I can move out to L.A. and live out there. I’ll be living there, working there, going to school there, and, hopefully, build my own life out there.
This past week…it’s been tough.
I’ve been off from school and decided to stay home all week. In this week I have been thinking a whole lot about my future, and today is when I made a clear decision in what I want to do. I will no longer be en-route to become a veterinarian. I find myself panicking and not thinking straight about my future. Earlier today I had a major panic attack and I just couldn’t think of anything that I wanted to do with my life. So I did what I always do to relax…play video games. I find myself becoming more and more apart of the gaming community since 2 years ago. I’ve become more and more active in talking to developers and publishers about what they should/shouldn’t fix in their games. I’ve found myself reading more on game news, about developers, about publishers, and just the whole field of video games. So I called my aunt earlier, she works in the field of entertainment along with her husband who works for Universal, and asked her for some advice on what I should do to kick start my career in gaming. She told me to look for internships and that is what I have been doing up until this point. I have been looking for internships with Riot Games, Blizzard, and even GameFly (just to name a few), just so I can get my foot in the door. So hopefully, this summer, I can fly out to LA to live with my aunt and uncle-in-law while interning at one these game companies. I have yet to have an official major in school so this is a wonderful time for me to actually go an follow what I am passionate about. Thanks for reading if you did.
Not the best picture, but I wish my room would stay this clean in perpetuity. It always gets messy and looks like a tsunami just mucked things up at around 2 weeks.
Exactly three months from now I’ll be 21.
I won’t be doing anything special. Hopefully nothing comes up so I can go see My Bitter End and Float Face Down on the night of my birthday. That’s all I ask for. It would be a great night if I can go and see these bands that I’ve never seen before. That will be my last “hardcore” show I will ever go to. Key word being hardcore. As I’ve been “maturing,” my taste in music has as well. I’ve been listening to a lot of folk, indie, acoustic, jazz, and pretty much a whole bunch of music that doesn’t have screaming. I’m still as angry and cynical as I’ve ever been, but it’s been kept in check for the past month…for the most part. But yeah, 21 years old. I will soon be able to do everything that is legal in America because this country is fucked up like this, but I digress. Yeah, when I turn 21, don’t expect any extremely drunk posts or anything, for I will not partake in any binge drinking. That shan’t be happening. :)
Fixed my room up. Took down this giant mirror I had on my dresser. It took up too much space. I moved my books over to where the Xbox and Bose radio were. As you can see my xbox and Bose radio are now where the mirror used to be. I also moved my desk to the corner near my closet. More space is had. This was a nonsense post brought to you by me.
bexlafrex asked: you're gay
I’m rubber, you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me an sticks to you! HA!!
Depressing post.
I’ve been in a depression (on and off) since I’ve moved out here. I don’t really like it out here but I’m getting used to it. Since I don’t have anywhere to go, I usually stay in playing video games, reading or just dissecting my thoughts. What’s dangerous is me dissecting my thoughts. Why? Because I’m slowly becoming the people I hate. I don’t like this. I thought I liked being this way, but when I actually think of who I am, I’m not a good person. My little cousin came over this past weekend. My mom took her to the zoo and left me and my dad here because it would be inconvenient for my dad to ask me to lift him and place him in the car or his wheelchair, but that’s not what I’m talking about. But when my cousin came back, she got me, my dad, and my brother plush gifts. My brother got a frog because he likes them, my dad got something I don’t remember, and I got a shark. My mom told me the reason why I got the shark and it was because “It has really sharp teeth and its eyes are scary.” That’s how my cousin sees me. That’s fucking awful. I do my best to be good, but that’s how I’m seen. I want to think that it’s just her, but if I think that I may become delusional. So now I’m seeing myself as a ruthless predator and I don’t want that. I want to be a…not that. I’m reaching a point where I’m on the cusp of being this person forever, and I’m trying to change that. There is going to be a massive overhaul in my life and I can only hope to succeed.
I want the how to survive the zombie apocolipse book
I just wanna read it and prepare man
I have it. Next time I go and stay in NY I’ll bring it to you.
Snack: Turkey sandwich with yellow American cheese, 2 tsp’s of grey poupon Dijon mustard, and half a cup of apple juice.
Dinner time: 1/3 of a chicken breast (grilled), a half a cup of corn, two cups worth of salad covered in 2tspns of Russian dressing, and a nice tall glass of water.
I’m gonna start making a habit of taking a picture of everything I eat (healthy or unhealthy) just to see how much I’m eating and to keep up with calorie counting and portion control. As you can see I almost forgot to post this because of how hungry I was, but that shan’t be happening anymore. I need to become healthier in all aspects of my life, with fitness being the most important for me.
